RECENTLY many of my neighbours and I have had our boiler outlet pipe wrenched out of our outside walls by criminals.
The costs of fixing the issue is quite considerable when considering the amount of copper pipe that has been stolen is roughly 15cm and a value of less than 10p.
They even burrowed into the brickwork to get those extra few millimetres.
Even the most cretinous of human delinquents would realise that it is easier to find 10p in loose change on the floor in the street than collecting copper 15cm at a time, minus the transportation costs to the scrap yard.
After all, if they had knocked on my door and asked for 10p I would have probably obliged as I would have felt sorry for them.
The only possible conclusion to draw from the incident is that there are aliens walking the streets of the north east of England. Logically it is the only conclusion.
The question now becomes, what planet are they from? And what do they want, besides 15cm of copper pipe?
Ronnie Campbell, MP, recently asked in parliament the question how many psychologists the prison service is employing?
I would like to suggest that an invasion by a subspecies should be higher up on the agenda.
Come on Ronnie, alert the men in black immediately, our species has been infiltrated and we are under attack.
We also need a plan of action as to how to deal with the sub-humans.
Perhaps Ronnie Campbell could put in place a feasibility study to see whether the organs of the subspecies could be harvested from them and given to people who would put them to better use.
There are many people on waiting lists for organs, hearts, lungs etc, and I am sure they could make better use. Providing of course that there are no cross species issues.