25 of Rik Mayall’s greatest quotes and jokes

25 of Rik Mayall’s greatest quotes and jokes
25 of Rik Mayall’s greatest quotes and jokes

On what would have been the 60th birthday of the late comedian, social media has been abuzz with the #RikMayallDay hashtag.

An unofficial day to celebrate the beloved funnyman’s career, fans have been paying tribute to a tremendous comic writer and performer.

Here are 25 of the best lines and jokes across Mayall’s brilliantly funny career, from The Young Ones and Bottom to The New Statesman.

As Lord Flashheart in Blackadder: “It’s me, Flash! Flash by name, Flash by nature. Hurrah!”
Blackadder: “Where have you been?”
Flashheart: “Where haven’t I been! Woof!”

As Rick in The Young Ones: “The bathroom’s free. Unlike the country under the Thatcherite junta!”

Flashheart: “She’s got a tongue like an electric eel and she likes the taste of a man’s tonsils!”

Rick: “I live on the limit, Vyvyan. The limit, because I’m a rider at the gates of dawn and I take no prisoners!”

Flashheart: “Enter the man who has no underwear. Ask me why.”
Others: “Why do you have no underwear, Lord Flash?”
Flashheart: “Because the pants haven’t been built yet that’ll take the job on.”

As Alan B’Stard in The New Statesman: “We hear an awful lot of leftie whingeing about NHS waiting lists. Well the answer’s simple. Shut down the health service. Result? No more waiting lists.”

Rick: “Typical. Five minutes before the most important party of my life and the house is destroyed by a giant sandwich!”

As Richie in Bottom, trying to impress a rare date: “This is just my London pomme-de-terre. My main castles are scattered all over the place, you know, ’cause I never know where I’m going to be… Bloody fox hunts go on for ever these days, don’t you find?”

“Why did the pervert cross the road? Because he couldn’t get his kn*b out of the chicken.”

Rick: “I’m going to write to my MP!”
Neil: “But you haven’t got an MP, Rick, you’re an anarchist.”
Rick: “Oh right. Then I shall write to the lead singer of Echo and the Bunnymen.”

Flashheart: “Captain Darling? Funny name for a guy isn’t it? Last person I called darling was pregnant 20 seconds later!”

Alan B’Stard: “Why should we, the country that produced Shakespeare, Christopher Wren – and those are just the people on our banknotes for Christ’s sake – cower down to the countries that produced Hitler, Napoleon, the Mafia, and the Smurfs?!”

Richie, while camping: “Can we just get our equipment out? I mean, I mean get our tackle out? I mean, get our gear… oh God, you can’t say anything without some dreadful double entendre lurking around the corner!”

Rick on University Challenge: “We’re getting thrashed, we’re getting completely thrashed. Isn’t there some way we can cheat?”

Alan B’Stard: “What is the result of this sloppy socialist thinking? More poor people. In contrast, my policies would eradicate poor people, thereby eliminating poverty. And they say that we Conservatives have no heart.”

Rick [seeing his first tampon]: “You bought me a present. What is it? Let me guess: It’s a telescope! With a mouse in it!”

Rick [as the TV stops broadcasting for the night]: “Shut up, you fascist Tories. No one tells me what time to go to bed!”

On his quad-biking accident in 1998: “I was in a coma for five days – I was dead longer than Jesus before he was raised from the dead.”

Rick’s ‘Ode to Cliff Richard’: “Oh Cliff / Sometimes it must be difficult not to feel as if / You really are a cliff / when fascists keep trying to push you over it! / Are they the lemmings / Or are you, Cliff? / Or are you, Cliff?”

The Young Ones (left to right) Vyvyan played by Adrian Edmondson, Neil played by Nigel Planer, Mike played by Christopher Ryan and Rick played by Rik Mayall. Photo: PA

Flashheart: “Mind if I use your phone? If word gets out I’m missing, 500 girls will kill themselves.”

Richie (upon noticing a certain resemblance to the nativity): “Gold, Frankenstein, and Grrr. And you’re all wearing crowns. And I’m a virgin!”

Alan B’Stard: “Who in this country was not moved when that great Englishman, Gazza, wept bitter tears at the World Cup last year? People thought that he was crying because he had been booked by the umpire and so would miss the final. But that was not the reason. He was crying at the thought that the Conservative government, the only government this young hero had ever known, was behind in the opinion polls.”

Another of Rick’s thought-provoking poems: “Pollution, all around. Sometimes up, sometimes down. But always around. Pollution are you coming to my town? Or am I coming to yours? Ha! We’re on different buses, pollution, but we’re both using petrol… bombs.”

Rick: “This house will become a shrine, and punks and skins and rastas will all gather round and hold their hands in sorrow for their fallen leader. And all the grown-ups will say: ‘But why are the kids crying?’ And the kids will say: ‘Haven’t you heard? Rick is dead! The People’s Poet is dead!'”

“I don’t have moments of weakness. I’m Rik Mayall.”

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This article originally appeared on our sister site, iNews.